Untitled

earthnation:

will u still love me when im no longer young and ok looking

meladoodle:

juilan:

My ears. They are ringing.

are u gonna answer em

whores:

whores:

Don’t cry because its over

cry because you’re ugly

geometricdeathtrap:

metallikato:

generallegendary:

metallikato:

jewelstaites:

how to give a good handjob

• bop it
• pull it
• twist it

• harder
• better
• faster
• stronger 

You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!

Cha cha real smooth

none of you ever touch a penis

burgrs:

[sprays u with water] no, bad opinion 

obesealpaca:

ummmm wtf? has anyone else noticed that water just tastes like melted ice cubes?

tinkerlu:

mond0:

mond0:

mond0:

mond0:

991 hello yes there is a swaggie in my house

IM GOING TO CRY I SPELLED FUCKING 911 WRONG

STOP RELBGGOING THIS

iM CALLIGN THE COPS

make sure you call the right number this time

viarga:

me making a text post

rabioheab:

listen, i have loved you for a really long time and… *gets down on one knee* *gets down on two knees* *gets down on all fours* *starts running around pretending to be a dog*

panicsatdiscos:

realitybl0ws:

1. grow up and have children
2. hide babies all around the house
3. when my kid asks “where do babies come from?” respond with “where DON’T babies come from” and pull one out of a cabinet

example number 24876 why tumblr users shouldn’t have children

cokeflow:

*regrets something I said 4 years ago*

burgrs:

1 time in my english class there was a fly going around the room and it was annoying everyone and it came over to my desk and i caught it with my hand and like 15 ppl started clapping but i couldn’t get up to throw it in the trash because i had a boner 

necrophilofthefuture:

tora-o:

beliasthegigas:

beliasthegigas:

*wanks seductively*

i meANT WINK

2mindlessdreamers:

I’m a Victoria’s Secret model. It’s such a secret that not even Victoria knows.

darnni:

otterthulhu:

rabioheab:

Cool Names For You To Name Your Children

1. Farquaad
2. Farquaad II
3. Farquaad III
4. Farquaad IV
5. Farquaad V 

You could call them the farsquaad

comedy gold

myreligioniskindness:

explosion2:

myreligioniskindness:

my brother tried to pick up a banana to make it look like he was talking on the phone but all the bananas in the bunch came with it and he just looked at me and went “i guess it’s a conference call”

A++ recovery

don’t encourage him

tonlimsons:

ur insecure  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

i kno what for  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

ur a bitch  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)